im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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