You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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