I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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