just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize