I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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