He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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