so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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