oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
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Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize