it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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