just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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