ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
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I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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