I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
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We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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