You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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