is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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