Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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