Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
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Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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