There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
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They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
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My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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