You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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