i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
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is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
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Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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