he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
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Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
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So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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