the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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