everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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