was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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