On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
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At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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