$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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