It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
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can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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