I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize