I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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