have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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