Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
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ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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