ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize