I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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