Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
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I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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