Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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