Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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