When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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