the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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