the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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