Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize