I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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