you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize