Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
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i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
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We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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