i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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