I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize