My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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