After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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