My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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