He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize