Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize