when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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